chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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