Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
