genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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