did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
