well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
