One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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