i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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