trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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