I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it glows. i had to have it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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