Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
