why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
