Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
