why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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