my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
