Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
