Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
