If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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