just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
