no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
