Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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