Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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