and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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