D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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