Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
