dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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