Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
