Your dad touched me again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Too much gin, very little bucket
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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