Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
