My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
