somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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