my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
