You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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