she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
