Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
