I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
