I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
