You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
