How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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