I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize