Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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