I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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