We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
