Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just invented taco cereal.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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