her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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