Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
