Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize