I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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