I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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