i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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