Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
