I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
