I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
