Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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