I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
