I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Everything about him screamed your future.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
