I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
