Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
