Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
