I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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