I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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