I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
