That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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