I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
