so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
