Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
