he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize