Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
