You really coming over, don't trick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
