Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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