i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
