The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
