dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
