Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
