even my farts smell like vagina
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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